Hey, you wanna guess what I'm fucking sick of?

This shit.

Ever since I started dealing with this, you know who I've been blaming? Myself. It sure is logical enough, isn't it? Fucking up is basically a hobby of me. Moreso an interest, because hobbies cost money. Interests are free. And, well, let's take a look at the evidence! Hmm, sure looks like it's Jason's fault to me! Oh, yes, the stupid, insensitive guy, he didn't know what a good thing he had goin' for him, and he blew it. He fuckin' blew it. Oh, and worst of all, he didn't have the courage to DO ANYTHING to save it! Ah, the fucking coward. Feed him to the dogs.

It's all pretty easy to say. It really rolls off the tongue, I think. "Fucking coward", really suits me, doesn't it?

But you know, last week, I got to thinking. I thought about all the opportunities I missed, the things I should have said, and what I could have done.

But then, I got to thinking.. about what YOU could have done.

"Fucking coward". You said that, you must have believed it. So if you were looking to talk to me, why'd you wait until I got enough of my shit together and IMed you? If you were looking to make a point, I'd say you fuckin' made it. But does being right mean that much to you? I'd like to think it didn't. I'd like to think the person I knew was better than that. I do. So let's move on past that. But the problem is, I don't see much of any other motive. You wanna talk to me? Fuckin' do it. Surprise me. Scare me, I could sure as hell use it.  But don't curse my name for months, and then complain when I apologize and try not to bother you afterwards.

Oh, and a little character reference? There's people I'm still friends with that you might not expect. No, far be it from the piggish man-beast to finally make good on an old breakup cliche! But, yes, it's true.

You know what the book says. "We may be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us." I can pretend this is over all I want, and so can you! But I know. I know it isn't.

I still want to be friends. After all the shit I've done, I doubt if you do, but let it be known that I wish we could stitch things together. Don't think i'm into some idealistic bullshit that things can back to the way they were, I know they can't. But we can do better than this.

So if you want to talk to me, do it. I'm available. You know all the proper channels.

Why not? I'd be more than happy to play the coward again.

Love always,

Jason (aka Piggish Man-Beast)