I have a D in French. Screwed is putting it lightly.

Brooke nearly gave me a fucking HEART ATTACK today.

I was hanging out under the breezeway after school with her, Williams, Brittany, Steph, and 'Freshie' today after school. I turned and saw The Girl walking towards us, just as I was getting into another doomed kung-fu match with Brooke. Before she got close, I told Brooke it was most imperative that we stop for about a minute. She took it upon herself to inform me that the approaching figure had a boyfriend.

I nearly took out my pencil and plunged it into my eyeballs right then, but I decided against it. Public gougings are usually a very messy thing. My target quickly changed from killing Brooke (a much longer story, one I'm sure she will recount if asked) to honorable suicide.

I informed Brooke of my revised plans and picked up my bookbag to leave when she mentioned that she had mistaken The Girl for, hear this, JACQUE.

And there was much rejoicing.